Home Bass: the good bass your wife won't let you take to the gig. Stolen Bass: what the guy who quit the band has at home. Total Basses: the total number of instruments the bass player must bring to the gig in order to play properly. Lead-Off Bass: when the bass player starts a song the drummer was supposed to start. Behind the Bass: where the band keeps its stash. In Front of the Bass: where the lead guitarist feels compelled to stand when he takes his ride. Picked Off Bass: what the lead singer did when the bass player passed out flat on his back. First Bassman: the guy you got to play bass for your first gig that you can't get rid of now. Second Bassman: the guy you should have hired. Third Bassman: the guy nobody will hire. Step Up to the Bass: what you tell the rhythm player when the bass player quits to try to convince him it's a promotion. Slide Into Bass: what happens when the stage is not level. Throw to the Bass: when a drunk patron tries to hit the bass player with a bottle. Miss the Bass: when the bottle hits the drummer instead. Touch the Bass: when the bottle grazes the bass player before it hits the drummer. Bass Hit: when the bass player uses his bass to bat the bottle back into the crowd, nailing the thrower, without missing a note. Bass Line: "What's a nice girl like you doing without a bass player like this?" Stay on the Bass: what you tell the bass player when he wants to play some lead guitar. Trip Around the Basses: what happens when it is too dark to see how to get off the bass player's side of the stage. On Bass Percentage: the number of right notes the bass player hits divided by the total number of notes played times 100.